Overcoming depression: A rediscovery of my true self!

“And somehow or other life nags at us and says, “We must be tough, we must shape up to it, we must grit our teeth and learn to be mean to people. If we can’t be sufficiently mean to people we’ll just never get along.”

Ever had that feeling? It’s the most weak thing you can do.”

by LRH


I had quite an interesting journey in the past 10 years. I found an interesting book when I was 16: Dianetics.

Since then I traveled the path of learning Scientology; a technology to freedom.

For the first time after few lifetimes I have been proud to belong to a group which, if would not have ended up perverting the original intention and technology of the founder like unfortunately did do, would have been about helping and freeing people.

I have learned how to help others and to help myself adding data that filled the vacuum of my prior studies of Yoga and Buddhism few lifetimes ago.

Unfortunately this path is taking away what in my earlier spiritual studies has been the awareness of others, the ability to be a universe and therefore to be all the beings in it. To emanate peace and joy to the universe and pervading others with these emotions.  What is called in Scientology “be all the dynamics” is very well experienced on the highest levels of oriental meditation. Today in the Church of Scientology people are so busy “to save the planet”, to raise money, and to appear what there are not (called PR) that this very precious essence of freedom is totally overlook and ignored.

But the truth is you would have a problem to be totally free without both the auditing technology of LRH and the awareness of the whole universe (8 dynamics) and the ability to be it.

Although everything that I mentioned in previous articles about my last relationship was true, I realized that I succumbed to the suppression and pain he exerted on me and I stopped being him. The result was that I allowed myself to get hurt and I did not help him as I should have had.

It is true that one person can start a fight, but to continue and actually create a fight you need two.

Here it goes.

In the moment in which you respond to violence with any emotion from antagonism and below you, yourself, are actually becoming  destruction as you are co-acting with the attacker and from one bad energy now we have 2.

I succumbed to the excruciating pain and I started to protest. In that moment I selected a side and I became an opponent. The thing is, you do not need to be an opponent unless you play war. And like LRH says: “War is never the solution”

What kind of a person would abuse the person he loves, would engage into the very actions that he knows are hurting her? What kind of a pain and pressure somebody need to be experiencing in order to do so to a true member of a group?

Believe me, quite an overwhelming amount. And if I wouldn’t have hunched as a response to that pain, if I only would have understood  and be him I would have been efficient into helping a being that was probably in more mental pain than me and I would save myself a great deal of suffering.

Real love does not have anything to do with possession, it is freedom.

Why than I cried for days when he found another woman and a week when I knew he was getting re-married? This has been puzzling me.

I was getting worse and worse.  Than a friend lended me a hand and helped me to find out who I really was. The truth is, you never lose anyone until you stop to be them and you shrink into yourself.

If I’m all my dynamics, he is also me.

Interesting thing for those that disconnect. As disconnection is  a brutal cut in ARC, it has the opposite result in the spiritual universe. It becomes a trap, and sucks you in.

Now instead of being the space, you are separating, and by doing that you are getting smaller, because you are giving up the other person space.

You brought to think that the only way you could say: “I do not want to be that person; I do not want to be in his/her space anymore.” is by separating and by assuming a remote view point from were to say so. But this is not true.

And there you are. You have just left his/hers space and got smaller.

Now some of your attention is somewhere stuck to make sure he or she is not going to be you… and you are stuck with that. You have just limiteted you ability to be anything you want.

Today when I finally took responsibility of the space, I recognized what was happening and I started to heal.

When again I found myself sad because I lost him, because the violence and the betrayal, I knew, for the first time, that these emotions were not me. Were not my true feelings and using what I learned in the past years I started to clean these toughs/feelings up.

Who am I?

I’m love and I’m ARC.

So I look at him, at his new wife, at his mom, at all the people at the Church that I loved and realized I did not ever lose them.

I wish them happiness and joy. And these are my true feelings. Is me.

This has been the end of my depression, a state where I have been for the past 2-3 years.

There is something I’m going to study now to become an expert on and that is what they call in Scientology TR0.

But you cannot achieve that in Scientology because they overlook what is behind it. They disregard the fact that in order to be all the dynamics you have to be in ARC with all of them. There is no other way.

I will now regain that ability, something I had long time ago.

I will get back the peace, the love for people no matter what, the ability to not take sides, in the meaning that you handle things without oppterming.

Pure ARC and love is  the only truth in every being. And is the only true survival.

My special thanks to Luca Terzi, an exceptional auditor and a true friend.

“The most valuable asset we have, actually, is our ability to understand, to do the right thing, to be kind, to be decent.

Amongst us we have occasionally the feeling like: life requires that we be stern; life requires that we be ornery enough and mean enough to fire him; life requires that we’ve got to tell this preclear the next time we come that she must go, she must leave, she must never darken our door again. Life requires that. We must be stern, we must be mean, we must occasionally be ornery, and we must steel ourselves to take an unkind action. And we feel sometimes there’s something wanting in us, because we refuse to take this unkind action. We feel we are being cowardly, that we are ducking back from our responsibilities. We feel the best way to solve the thing would be to be a little bit mean about it. Get the idea? We should be able to be tough. That’s the darndest trap there is. That is a weakness. It’s a weakness. We’re saying, “We should be able to be weak.”

Our strength does not lie in our ability to be tough, our ability to face up to it, our ability to say sternly to the preclear, “Go! Never darken this door again ” You see?

We’ve actually got to fall way down hill to do this. And somehow or other life nags at us and says, “We must be tough, we must shape up to it, we must grit our teeth and learn to be mean to people. If we can’t be sufficiently mean to people we’ll just never get along.”

Ever had that feeling? It’s the most weak thing you can do It bears out this way Interestingly, if you want to observe it, get some more data on it, I invite you to do so. There’s never any necessity to be mean to anybody.

This is fantastic. The weak, unworkable thing to do is to get tough and to get ornery, you know, and to steel yourself into it, you know. That’s very weak. Because we’re trying to ape the fellow who can do nothing else. We’re trying to ape the nation that can only solve its diplomatic problems by indulging in war. And if you can show me a nation that ever won a war, if you can ever show me a war that was ever won, by everybody, why, then I am willing to lay aside the statement that being tough and steeling ourselves and being mean will ever be necessary. It’s never necessary. And I’ll only be willing to say that it is sometimes necessary if you can show me a war that has been won by everybody.

No war ever has been won even by the (quote) “victor” (unquote). The victor usually wins the right to feed the enemy for a while.

“And so our kind impulse is muffled by the fact that we “know” we had certainly better tell this person off.

And the actual result of this, quite ordinarily, is inaction. There is no action of any kind undertaken to resolve the situation because we know we should resolve it by being tough. And our own kind hearts won’t let us do so. So we do nothing.

Well, I hate to unsettle a very stable datum, if it does unsettle it. But the only way anything ever does resolve is by letting your own kind heart reach through. That’s the only way it ever does solve.

And it never solves by being tough.”

ATTITUDE AND CONDUCT OF SCIENTOLOGY

A lecture given by L. Ron Hubbard on Nov 03, 1955

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4 Comments

  1. That’s great Sylvia!
    We are all our 8 dynamics!

  2. I like your cat. He has the right idea.

    “Your potentialities are a great deal better than anyone ever permitted you to believe”
    Self Analysis – LRH

  3. Silvia, Stay true to and follow your own heart. You will find the unconditional Love
    you seek. You’ll know. Much Love, Sarge

  4. P.S. Ya know if ever you get desperate enough I know where you can find a ‘gump’ . Simple,
    honest but always.


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