living the consequences of love and violence

During a meeting with my family violence support group,

the counselor asks us

to make a colored representation of our relationship…

This is what I did.

This has been my life with my past family partner.

drawing by Silvia Kusada

The reason I like to share this with all of you is because psychological violence is more common than we think.

It is effective to the degree and intensity of the love and care involved.

Psychological violence is hard to heal and takes much longer compare to physical violence as it gets deep inside the very souls of the person and causes intense mental pain and great sadness. At acute stages cause’s suicidal thoughts, apathy; pure depression.

Although my experience on this was, for the majority, related to my past relationship with a man who I deeply loved (and I still do) I can see this violence being experienced by others in other fields, that being religious groups, group of friends or of others social or spiritual activities.

There is always involved what it is called affinity, love, care for someone, a particular activity or goal, an idea that we are passionate about and we willing to fight for.

You are asked overtly or covertly to make agreements about those points, you have to be your family or group. Nothing wrong with that if wasn’t that you are the only one to be a real member, and there is no group beside you and your illusion.

And then affinity is therefore used to dominate.

You are made to feel you are part of the group and that the group is working for your betterment, you are asked, most of the time indirectly, to be active and give to the group in huge amounts this being work, time and/or money.

You are made to feel ‘you better do it’ or you are going to lose everything (this being your wife or husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, salvation, acknowledgment of one’s work, diplomas, status, the group or position… freedom or eternity as in the case of a church).

Although you are told you have freedom of choice, the choices you end up with are ‘do it’ or ‘lose it’, a no choice situation.

By this time you are in such mental suffering that it is almost impossible to realize or anyway there is no enough courage and strength to take the sane choice. LEAVE.

Eventually, when everything has been gotten out of you, the abuser will leave anyway, in a way that it will degrade you, demonstrating how inefficient as a group member you were.

Interesting to observe that one of the ways an abuser uses to leave is by putting you in such pressure, pain and distress, that either you make a mistake or you run away in shock and desperation…

To add up to the abuses  there is a sad Church like the Church of Scientology that busy acting on false PR, busy focusing on ‘the  image’ as opposed to truly helping people, covers up crimes and greatly contributes to it.

Silvia Kusada

is an OT7,  GAT class VI (SHSBC), FLAG trained class 5, class IV C/S

admin trained on OEC vol 0 and vol 7 and a permanent Ethic Specialist gold seal.

feel free to contact her at:



  1. Boy, Silvia, that image speaks volumes!

    Love, Sindy

  2. I know how you feel. I lost my husband to such a “religious” pressure. He cried to me to come back to him because he said I was one of the only things that kept him alive. Today, I don’t know if he lives or dies. He is not allowed to communicate with me, as so many other “friends” of mine who now are pressured to not speak to me, although the CofS reports to have no policy enforcing such separations.

    I long for a time when people really do become brave enough to observe what they really observe, have the courage to say what they really observe and act accordingly-relying on their very own “Personal Integrity”!

  3. This will pass. Wonderful that you recognize it all. A word or whim of the moment, such as these wild policies, is never law for life is everchanging. You’ve lost everything yet nothing was lost. Love is there beneath the surface. Your love remains constant and your loved ones will eventually find you. I too await my brother’s return from this anarchist organization.

    • Thank you for you kind words. I try to make this sad experience something that will make me more strong…
      😀 It all will come out all right!

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