Wishing the unknown…

Jealousy by Mario Doninzetti

I decided to write this post due to several comms

I received where the senders,

I felt, were wishing to be me

or in my positions.


For those people who have done that or have wished to be somebody else, as I have done myself many times during unbearable moments of unhappiness, I would like to dedicate few words.


The best way


to be happy is




never by being somebody else, but is


to be ourselves.


Behind my pictures, where you often see a wide smile, there is a lot of everyday hard work in order to fully handle the remaining deep-rooted misemotions stemming from the huge emotional turmoil I have experienced.

There are still a lot of painful moments, solitude and grief.

Although I remind myself every day that the outcome of that 2D-3D “implant” and the entailed depression I just overcome has been useful to my spiritual growth, I find myself often dealing with lingering feelings of betrayal, the huge unreturned love for some of the people I lost and an emotional discomfort.

I can share with you some of my successful actions on this walk toward my rehabilitation.

1)      I never stopped seeking answers in the tech.

2)      I continued to audit myself, this being assists, solo assists, help from friends or solo auditing.

3)      I kept my comm lines open looking for new true friends.

4) I communicate about how I feel.

I did not lie about my emotions, no matter how many people were getting pissed off at me.

This is a very important point.

Many people will tell you to shut up, to snap out of it.

They will invalidate you making you feel you are boring or a loser because you lingering in such a low-toned state.

Move away from these people. They are making it worse.

They cannot duplicate and therefore they do not understand you.

Look for compassionate people who are willing to accept you for the way you are and to give you a hand for what you need not what they think you need.

Sometimes a smile or a hug is priceless.



An acknowledgment is worth millions,

but they do not understand it.

( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao )

So move away from them.

5)      Recognize your mistakes. Do not run away from them.

Yes, you might be fat, and today you have eaten 3 donuts… or you wanted to be cause over that comm cycle and tell them what you really thought of it, but ended up cawing again.

Ok. Good!

You fuck it up. Who cares!!

I do it every day. I have been trying to lose 5 pounds for the last 6 months and gained 10.


NEVER GIVE UP on your goals,

because you know what?

Tomorrow you wake up and suddenly you are ready to skip the donuts, you go for the walk you always wanted to do and you are able to stand up for your rights and tell them what you really think. Magic.


One day while you find yourself laughing happily

it will dawn on you that the sadness

you have been fighting for so long is gone.

Always do one thing every single day toward your goals…

even if you do one thing good and 10 wrong…

do not stop doing that one little thing right.

Keep that flow alive…

and one day

you will HAVE.


6)      I help others. Other people wins is what I love the most.

So, do not wish to be me or anyone else.

First because you are not me, and second because you would be surprised

to find out that my life is just another life,

where you have to work very hard to conquer happiness,

to fight suppression and to love from far away,

people who cannot have love.

To be somebody else has been the first real trap

and the dwindling spiral.

There is a unique beauty in you, me and everyone else…

Because of that uniqueness,

we can create something no one else can create.

It might be covered up by other’s invalidation,

but if we never stop working on it, it will shine free.

And one day other people looking at your natural glow,

will want to be you.



At that point it is going to be up to you

to help them to recognize how beautiful they are

because of who they are,

and you will help them see it.

The secret of success

is constancy to purpose.

Benjamin Disraeli

British politician (1804-1881)


we are here to help!!



If you still in the church staff or public and you need help to get out, if you just left and you need help, please call or write to:


Silvia  Kusada  e-mail: SKusada2010@gmail.com


Aida Thomas: e-mail: dianaclass8@yahoo.com


contact Aida Thomas in private.



Silvia Kusada


Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 8.



  1. I love that picture of you in the mirror! Love the blog too!!

  2. Beloved One. A fantastic article!!! You are on the path, I am happy with you!!! Over the ions I did not wanted to be me so many life times So what is good in walking in sombody elses shoes? Even if one need to use tools like eating 3 donuts a day, in need to confront than that is fantastic. You are working toward your goal to ae-is the problem at hand. No one can do more. So one pound more or less is only on the body that do not affect your beauty as a spiritual being. Elizabeth.

  3. nice, loved it 🙂
    yeah it’s extremely hard to be a real woman isn’t it, to express your feelings and continue to express them in front of others who judge you on emotion instead of communication and want you to be a man. (LRH even talks about how, trying to make a woman a man is not a good thing, i think it’s in the 2D book) This is what I have had to confront and deal with all my life. Constantly criticized on expressing my feelings thus invalidating me as a woman and constantly trying to make me a man. Always negating my feelings, like they were nothing and unimportant.

    I love being a woman, it’s who I am and I refuse to stop. I have a saying, I’m not miss manners, I’m miss emotional lol.

    that’s all i ever heard in the church, and with these idiot guys, walk this way, talk this way, look this way, dress this way, etc etc. I was always doing something wrong, it was never good enough for these people. i came to the realization that it was not me, but them. they could not have me in their universe. i’m direct, honest and overt and my comm restimulated their overts and thus trying to make me responsible for their case and the condition they were in.

    on my 2d journey, i actually posted a pledge to mankind, that no matter what i would always continue to express my feelings. and i found out, i love who i am and yeah true real friends accept & love you for who you are. I don’t walk on eggshells anymore and it feels great 🙂

    it’s so awesome to be free and independent lol 🙂

    • Yes… this is very true.
      You go to the Church because you wish to be more yourself. And all you get subjected to is pressure on how to be somebody else and all this “must do” in order to be ‘ethical’, ‘a cood scientologist’ and everything else…

      Every one of us with our qualities or defect has a post in life… if we find our place we can di wonders for others and ourself!!
      big hug and love to you!@

  4. hi I was fortunate to approach your Topics in baidu
    your topic is outstanding
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