Many times in my moments of loneliness I look at people, at couple and I ask myself what is wrong with me that I cannot find my team-mate.
But yesterday I asked myself a question.
In how many of these couples shoes
I would like to be?
My answer was: NONE!
How many couple walk holding hands,
laughing, talking enthusiastic to each other…
how many of them are truly loyal and honest?
How many of them are busier creating an apparency of happiness
instead truly creating their relationship.
I start listening to people.
I heard so many times one of the two talking like they were alone.
“When a man loses his spirit of play,
That means that guy starts dying
at about 3.0.
And sure enough, 3.0 down,
a guy will tell you,
‘Well, I had some illusions when I was a kid,
but I’ve lost all those.
I’m practical now.
We’ve got to face this thing practically.
What we’re doing here is very serious…'”
“You want to know what’s wrong
with your preclear?
Well, your preclear is too serious.
You want to know what seriousness is?
Seriousness is solidity.
You ever heard of a ‘solid citizen’?
You want to get something done,
don’t get any of these serious boys.
Shoot them on sight or process them.
But if you want to get something done,
don’t have anything to do with them.
“That’s a funny thing, isn’t it?”
L. Ron Hubbard
Excerpted from the lecture
delivered on 9 December 1952.
Philadelphia Doctorate Course
Or they are in a game condition.
“I’m going to do this because he does that,
and who cares it better be fine to her!!
Talking about choosing the wrong opponent.
Forgetting that marriage is a walk to walk side by side
where there is not winning unless the group wins.
And just like in the current Church of DM,
many couples decide to fight each other.
DM is purposely fighting the upstat…
auditors and OT’s that are defending their rights.
And any one that wish to move fast on the Grade chart.
“Even people who are fairly well-balanced,
if they are around people
who are entirely concentrated
on nullification, people who are afraid or timid,
people who count on their own superiority
by making other people less superior,
who count on that mechanism
to get along in life- are very dangerous.
Because what do they keep validating?
The keep validating the shortcamings
and the weaknesses of those around them. you see?
And by validating those weaknesses and shortcomings,
they actually bring them into being
and make the person weak
and make him exhibit more and more shortcomings
and so make the person less and less strong and win.”
From Science of Survival lecture:
Theta-Mest theory part2 by L Ron Hubbard”
What I’m looking for in a family?
Something that very many people do not believe can even exist.
Truth, unconditional love, passion, loyalty, constant creation.
The pleasure to give a kiss after 10 years and still feeling the same thrill.
I know what many of you think…
‘dreams, that is just a dreams’
but in my heart I know it is not true,
because that is the way I’m.
My love does not diminish with time, my devotion and creation is stable.
I do believe two people can create, yes they go through moments of tides
and ebbs but if they are there for each other, if they are a true group,
they can make it trough.
“Now, marriage is an interesting boat to steer.
It’s not a third dynamic activity,
and yet it is, kind of.
It generally ceases to be a second dynamic activity
but has to remain so.
There is no truth in the relationship.
It is a postulated relationship.
And when people stop postulating it, it ceases to exist!
(…) But on a self-supportive,
mutually co-supportive basis,
why, people have a better chance of making it than alone.”
(…) So, where sex is frowned upon,
where it is knocked around,
you generally find an impulse to destroy.
When I got involved with my last relationship I thought: we have love, and Scientology and we both want to apply it. We will be together forever.
It is like entering in a business deal. You are prompt to believe that because you are dealing with Scientologists you are safe.
Nothing can be further from the truth especially in a moment where Justice is weighted by how much money you donate to the IAS.
But it is also incorrect to believe so without taking into account
the other person true tone level.
So I was wrong. My creation was opposed by his love, strong love but expressed on a lower tone level of resentment, control, jealousy manifested through constant invalidations, and punishment.
Differences were presented as identical and similarity were different.
Love at lower levels become deterioration and destruction,
but it still love.
It is just perverted affinity.
I probably should not even comment on this as I had 3 major divorces, of which for two of them I would have given my life to keep it going.
But may be these experiences have given me
a much deeper insight of the situation.
It is not true that if somebody loves you he/she would never betrayed you,
or beat you up or lie.
The fact that she/he will do it or not it
depends entirely from his ethic and tone level.
When I finally realized where he was on the tone scale I knew
what was going to happen and I was pretty close in my prediction,
even if he did turn out to be more evil that I could imagine.
I knew he would have destroy me and my image
to protect himself and his crimes,
I just did not know how far he would have gone.
It did not matter anymore at that time.
I was in too much pain to do something about it.
I was alone with several org terminals
and him against me and against my wanting to apply the tech.
It would be very difficult for me to tell my story, too unbelievable…
just like when you tell your “adventure” in the Church of Scientology.
And everybody ask you: ‘Why didn’t you live before?”
It is a slow deceiving process when little by little, drop by drop you drawn down there into the apathy band and then you are stuck… and the brief moment s of joy are just more chains… to confuse you and make you doubt of everything.
I always thought I could make any relationship work if there was love.
But it was not true.
Few days ago a looked at couples in a new unit of time.
They are with each other, they should be happy smiling, laughing,
and instead they walk in a state of boredom.
This society teaches you that you deserve the best:
“And you see people going around with a big ‘I’ printed all over them.
But with a big “I”
WE CANNOT BE ANY OF THE OTHER DYNAMICS.
To be your dynamics you have to pervade them.
There must be a state of coexistence were the ‘I’ has now extended.
So when we hurt our dynamics
we hurt ourselves.
When we purposely tell or do something to our partner
with the intension to hurt him/her or knowing we will cause upset,
when we know exactly what we should be doing to light up a smile
that was not there and we do not do it,
we are being the “I” and we are following away from the group.
We become enemies.
Every time we cheat or screw somebody up
we take life away from him/her,
we are telling them that life is dangerous
and they should not trust anyone.
Justifications are rampant,
and motivators appears giantly everywhere.
More and more people in the Church work as volunteer pretending to save the planet and then, they screw-up their fellow Scientologists, they do not pay them back, they lie to them all in the name of helping a 3rd dynamics….
and Justice disappears…
So I looked and at one point I decided that I would not stop at the wrong exist, no matter how attractive it might seem.
I will ride the ‘bus of life alone’ till I arrive where I want,
and I will have what I want .
This is a message by LRH for all of you that been up-tone,
honest and ethical yet, like me, feel alone…
“It is very puzzling to people at higher levels of awareness
why people behave toward them as they do;
such higher-level people have not realized
that they are not seen, much less understood.
People at lower levels of awareness do not observe,
but substitute for observation preconceptions,
evaluations and suppositions,
and even physical pain by which to attain their certainties.”
A new slant of life. (old book) Chapter 5 p. 191
One of the manifestation of a misunderstood word is a “blank” feeling. If you are “the misunderstood” that is one of the thing that might happen… you will not be seen.
At length it can be very disappointing.
When you finally realize that you are too far off
the level of confront and duplication of these
people, perhaps you will not feel too bad.
There is so much more to get from a true group…
Lets go for it!!
we are here to help!!
If you still in the church staff or public and you need help to get out, if you just left and you need help, please call or write to:
Silvia Kusada e-mail: SKusada2010@gmail.com
Aida Thomas: e-mail: email@example.com
LOS ANGELES ex SO STAFF ONLY:
contact Aida Thomas in private.
Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 8.