Some people shout out of rage, some others out of pain and some others just shout…

Some people shout of rage, some others of pain

and some others just shout…

but the real evil could be the one looking at them with calm and apparent sorrow

while pointing out to others how bad off they are.


As LRH says, often the real psycho is not the one that behave as such, it is the one that has turn him/her into one.

… and nobody usually notes his sword full of blood.


I have done some stupid things in my life,

 I have said things to friends I would have never wanted to say.


When I look back, I see I did trust terminals who were seeking war,

were reporting to me a much scarier situation than there was while hiding true data.


Few times I was made look-like a fool,

 because my actions taken upon their advices or skilfully prompted by the very same people

 that were pointing their finger at me judging my wrongdoings in front of others.


Like many of you, I have been betrayed and deceived

by the people I truly loved and trusted.

In my pain I recognized my integrity gone (as this ‘friends’ wanted),

and with that gone my self-esteem.

I felt stupid to a point that I hated myself.


No, i did not steal, I did not prostitute myself or  kill anybody

… worse.

A gave-in to the Church of $cientology threat’s to declare me

 if I wouldn’t sell my apartment on their abusive terms.

I listened to my OT 7 (at the time) sister’s advice to disconnect my brother’s wife

because it was out security that she was not a $cietologist.

I covered up my ex 2D continues abuses under the church advice.

All for the best it seemed,

 but it was a lie.


It took me years and years of solo auditing to finally find some peace with myself.

It did happen few days ago.


I do not know if my brother would ever forgive me,

 or may be he has already done it few years ago.


I think sometime it is easier for others to forgive us

than for us to forgive ourself,

especially when you have a very high sense of integrity.


I have been lucky.

The people who are not really aligned to my search of truth, love and freedom,

are smoothly moving away and disconnecting from me, with one excuse or another.


 Some of them are people I really love.

I think love goes beyond good or bad, friend of enemy.

It is just there no matter what.

But despite the loss and sadness my space every time get bigger

 and as lies move away with them

this feeling of disgust and hate toward myself dissipates.


To my surprise I found that sometimes losing is gaining.

A friend of mine saw me crying few days ago and she said:

‘Silvia it is OK. You have not lost your son or the people you care.

You cannot really lose anything.

Take a big breath and let these emotions flow through your space and they will leave you.”


So I did.

And I have learned, that yes, you can as-is masses with auditing.

But if you do not learn to be transparent you will always regain solidity.


The trick is to let go, to allow things to flow.

 You can fight back and destroy your opponent.

 This will let a flow to regain motion or to end existence temporarely.

(Remember a being in this universe, never really gives up)

 You can protest or oppose, but if you are not strong enough to win

or to carry that battle through you are going to find yourself

 stuck in quite a mass, mis-emotions and problems.



Last, but may be the best long term soution to a spiritual being

could be to let things flow through.


You might lose a body or two,

 but you will never lose yourself.


A man who has himself  is the only one that is really living.

We are not talking about a body here. You are talking about US.

These have been my wins soloing on the last few days.



I wish to share with you this incredible lecture by LRH.

 Not very popular into the Church of $,

 or amongst these INDies who are forwarding the ‘Hate’s’ campaign.

Hope you can understand better your fellow-man.




Attitude amd Conduct in Scientology transcript

Attitude and Conduct in Scientology transcript


3 November 1955 -4th London Clinical Course

by L. Ron Hubbard





I’m auditing daily on the solo’s upper levels on the OT band.

I’m very much interested, having studied over 15 years as an auditor and

having helped successfully quite few people with LRH tech

to achieve the state of Clear, and OT,

to help anyone that wish honesty

to continue toward his spiritual freedom.



ITALY: Silvia Kusada/Maurice Pascal


Silvia Kusada


Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 8.



  1. I had read this tape, it’s so beautiful. And you are too…

  2. Silvia, Betrayal after Trust was a known phenomena way before scn conditions of existence slotted IT into a scale.

    Burn Witch attitudes are difficult to drop, pressurising seekers to choose an alliance, ‘decide who are ones friends’ is classic enemy talk .

    Scientology like many movements are a series of steps of Conditions of Acceptance destroying conditions of existence.

    Every year since 1950 Dn or Scn writings have attacked seekers with directions of what & who are bad.

    Anyone who wants to better themselves or the world is a friend ,a brother or sister of seekers. Enemy line philosophys individuate and isolate seekers.

  3. ‘Persistence of harm’ as false manifestation

    2 creations interlocked – some wished creation made to persist + created idea of harm, also made to persist Double effort for persistence – part in it is wishfull and other part fake as mis-representation of persistence (i.e, ‘harm’)

    Pilots stuff: ‘ needing to have affinity might be the big problem because we have been shown that you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE THINGS THAT ARE BAD, and you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO TO LIKE TWO THINGS THAT ARE IN CONFLICT WITH EACH OTHER, and (most deadly), if you like something and then CHANGE YOUR MIND, it’s considered a BETRAYAL. To get rid of a bad condition, you might have to (just very briefly) choose to like it and that often comes in conflict with all three of the above’

    ‘Needing of affinity’ – hohoho! Very easy, effortless thing to do to get rid of ‘need’ or ‘have to’- no more permanent agreements

    Agreement is an insurance (just as Lloyds in London, no much of a difference) ‘Games require an agreement, so everyone obeys the rules and penalties’ Holy sh…, that’s typical jewel of dimensions talk The believe in agreements and rules and penalties is the very basis of (unfortunately) comon-trouble as this cosmos

    Without permanent agreements, there are no problems

  4. ‘Where is some sort-of permanent agreement’ in this or that’ – that’s continuous check in times of the troubles

  5. Hi Silvia, in terms of good and not often followed advise by LRH I want to contribute his definition of greatness:
    “The hardest task one can have is to continue to love his fellows despite all reasons he should not.
    And the true sign of sanity and greatness is to so continue.”
    I cried when I read this the first time and after so many years I still well up about the beauty and truth of this.
    And in this sense it does matter really what you have done or not done – you just have to show the greatness of forgiving yourself – – but you know that already 😉
    And as for the bag-stabbing by loved ones – put your attention on the ones that do support you instead of giving power to the others. Their number might be smaller (yet) but they count a lot more. When I was found out to be declared there was only one person who did not disconnect with the statement that she had her own perceptions. She did not have the courage to follow through and follow KSW – but she was still a shining light in the crowd of many who dumped me despite praising my contributions just days before.
    Love, Merlin

  6. Thank you for posting… I agree. I chose to not forget for only one reason. I want to take this big engram apart and blow it in any angle.
    So sometime a ‘torture’ myself. And than I blow the pain.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

  • June 2011
    M T W T F S S
    « May   Jul »
  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 103 other followers