Some people shout of rage, some others of pain
and some others just shout…
but the real evil could be the one looking at them with calm and apparent sorrow
while pointing out to others how bad off they are.
… and nobody usually notes his sword full of blood.
I have done some stupid things in my life,
I have said things to friends I would have never wanted to say.
When I look back, I see I did trust terminals who were seeking war,
were reporting to me a much scarier situation than there was while hiding true data.
Few times I was made look-like a fool,
because my actions taken upon their advices or skilfully prompted by the very same people
that were pointing their finger at me judging my wrongdoings in front of others.
Like many of you, I have been betrayed and deceived
by the people I truly loved and trusted.
In my pain I recognized my integrity gone (as this ‘friends’ wanted),
and with that gone my self-esteem.
I felt stupid to a point that I hated myself.
No, i did not steal, I did not prostitute myself or kill anybody
A gave-in to the Church of $cientology threat’s to declare me
if I wouldn’t sell my apartment on their abusive terms.
I listened to my OT 7 (at the time) sister’s advice to disconnect my brother’s wife
because it was out security that she was not a $cietologist.
I covered up my ex 2D continues abuses under the church advice.
All for the best it seemed,
but it was a lie.
It took me years and years of solo auditing to finally find some peace with myself.
It did happen few days ago.
I do not know if my brother would ever forgive me,
or may be he has already done it few years ago.
I think sometime it is easier for others to forgive us
than for us to forgive ourself,
especially when you have a very high sense of integrity.
I have been lucky.
The people who are not really aligned to my search of truth, love and freedom,
are smoothly moving away and disconnecting from me, with one excuse or another.
Some of them are people I really love.
I think love goes beyond good or bad, friend of enemy.
It is just there no matter what.
But despite the loss and sadness my space every time get bigger
and as lies move away with them
this feeling of disgust and hate toward myself dissipates.
To my surprise I found that sometimes losing is gaining.
A friend of mine saw me crying few days ago and she said:
‘Silvia it is OK. You have not lost your son or the people you care.
You cannot really lose anything.
Take a big breath and let these emotions flow through your space and they will leave you.”
So I did.
And I have learned, that yes, you can as-is masses with auditing.
But if you do not learn to be transparent you will always regain solidity.
The trick is to let go, to allow things to flow.
You can fight back and destroy your opponent.
This will let a flow to regain motion or to end existence temporarely.
(Remember a being in this universe, never really gives up)
You can protest or oppose, but if you are not strong enough to win
or to carry that battle through you are going to find yourself
stuck in quite a mass, mis-emotions and problems.
Last, but may be the best long term soution to a spiritual being
could be to let things flow through.
You might lose a body or two,
but you will never lose yourself.
A man who has himself is the only one that is really living.
We are not talking about a body here. You are talking about US.
These have been my wins soloing on the last few days.
I wish to share with you this incredible lecture by LRH.
Not very popular into the Church of $,
or amongst these INDies who are forwarding the ‘Hate’s’ campaign.
Hope you can understand better your fellow-man.
ATTITUDE AND CONDUCT of SCIENTOLOGY
3 November 1955 -4th London Clinical Course
by L. Ron Hubbard
WE ARE HERE TO HELP!!
I’m auditing daily on the solo’s upper levels on the OT band.
I’m very much interested, having studied over 15 years as an auditor and
having helped successfully quite few people with LRH tech
to achieve the state of Clear, and OT,
to help anyone that wish honesty
to continue toward his spiritual freedom.
ITALIANO/ENGLISH: e-mail: SKusada2010@gmail.com
ESPANOL/ENGLISH: e-mail: email@example.com
ITALY: Silvia Kusada/Maurice Pascal
Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 8.