You must play this game and you must like it!

I have been going through a lot of stuff lately.
I have many times wanted to write,
but I wasnt sure I would have been real to my readers.
When I write that I’m sad, that I feel lonely, that I do not have any real interest in living (meaning this game on this side of the universe), people get instantly worried.

Some of them start thinking that it is not something that an OT 8 should feel, some others try to help me to live better here, some others try to get me involved in a mest game and others show pity (which is the most unwanted and inappropriated thing to do).


I started to look at all this and I realized that all that is perfecty normal from a Mest viewpoint.
After all we have all been well implanted about caring about life, how precious it is
and the horryble thing it is leaving this body by a self-determined choice.



Please do not get me wrong. Look at this from an exterior viewpoint and you might find that the bigger dramatization is to be scared to loose, leave this illusion, or to force somebody into liking it.

LRH says: “Happiness is every step toward the achievement of your own goals”.
People might have to realize that when they are trying to help by postulating and acting in the direction of getting me involved back into this material universe, they are actually counter postulating against my basic goals.

And therefore there is not happiness for me, due to what they consider optimum, but a deep feeling of sadness and entrapment.

Recently I looked at some of the help I was getting… what should be the purpose behind it?
Have an happy life? Start creating and enjoy the moments?
I’m protesting that.


When you are aware of the trap, happiness is only experienced by any improvement of getting out, this is what makes me feel motivated.

When people are trying to show me, how beautiful life is,
they remind me of how it is easy to lose track of reality, from a spiritual viewpoint.



How happy can you be, being a slave?

Once you know you are one?

Do you remember “The Truman Show?”.

The beautiful cage many people call life...

That is the way I feel.

And why life SEEMS to go wrong?
Please notice, I used the word SEEMS intentionally.

Because I have becomed a rebel cell in a body where everyone has a specific task to do.
I’m seen as a cancer cell and need to be tamed or expelled.
The “white cells” are runnung in defense of the body.


Spiritually speaking, I never felt better.
Yes, I’m sad, I feel lost at times, but I Know and I discover new truths every day.


Am I interested in building a home, in having a great job, or a lots of people that seem to be my friends?
There is only one things that make me feel alive, anything that does not have to do with going back to sleep.
The search of higher truths and the helping of other seeker to be free is all I care.
This center I’m building is not for me.
It is for people who have waken up, and now they are alone, at times scared and frightened.

Once you discover the truth, you then have to fight with a overt or cover energy system ridged to put you back in line... where the implant says: you belong.

Help, true help is increasing awareness as a spirit not as a MEST.
Awareness of MEST is a sleeping pill for a thetan.
It is the pleasant, it is the “going back to sleep and everything will be fine”.

So do not worry about me.
This is the path I choose to walk and I’m walking it no matter what.

and do what LRH wanted them to do:
The ‘Center of Advanced Spiritual Research and it’s Applications’
is NOW open in Texas and Italy.
We unite spiritual beings
while helping OT’s to live as OTs.


I’m a Class VI auditor, 2 Flag Internships and an OT7+
and I’m auditing daily on the solo’s upper levels on the OT band.
My team and I are available to travel in USA and Europe.
We deliver in English, Spanish and Italian.
Center for Spiritual Research and its applications
ITALY: Silvia Kusada/Maurice Pascal

Silvia Kusada

Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 7+.



  1. I love you and do not disagree one iota with your viewpoint. It is THE most theta viewpoint of a true spiritual being that knows the trap and what the real gig is all about here w/all this MEST crap where we find ourselves tangled. And for that alone, you ARE my spiritual sister in all ways. much love, Kay

    • I’m crying while I read this comment Kay, you are one of my theta family and incredible terminal.
      Love you!

  2. I understand completely. Your right. And I have had the same feelings. Its hard when you “know too much”. You dont ‘belong’ anymore. There are times I wish I could go back to my ignorant and uninformed part of my life, where life was beautiful. I lived in innocence, and now that is gone. Only one thing to do, keep moving up.

    • I might feel sad, I might feel lost and alone, ma i never NEVER one single instant wished to go back to happiest moments of my past, where I was led downward into the game of lies.

      I realized recently why i do not have a 2D.
      My partner should be walking the path of truth with me, side by side.. waking each other up when we get sucked-in into the delusion of this, often charming trap.

      He is my guy… wherever he is.
      Love to you

  3. Silvia ,you are beautiful and very bright.I totally understand you.Life here is like life here!Remember; The price of Freedom…..

    Happy weekend!


  4. Silvia, i was reading Plato & Socrates and thought of you

    The Republic

    Book VI

    Those who belong to this small class have tasted how sweet and blessed a possession philosophy is, and have also seen enough of the madness of the multitude; and they know that no politician is honest, nor is there any champion of justice at whose side they may fight and be saved. Such an one may be compared to a man who has fallen among wild beasts—he will not join in the wickedness of his fellows, but neither is he able singly to resist all their fierce natures, and therefore seeing that he would be of no use to the State or to his friends, and reflecting that he would have to throw away his life without doing any good either to himself or others, he holds his peace, and goes his own way. He is like one who, in the storm of dust and sleet which the driving wind hurries along, retires under the shelter of a wall; and seeing the rest of mankind full of wickedness, he is content, if only he can live his own life and be pure from evil or unrighteousness, and depart in peace and good-will, with bright hopes.

    Yes, he said, and he will have done a great work before he departs.

    ~ `~ `~ `~ ~ ~

    And those who make pleasure their good are in equal perplexity; for they are compelled to admit that there are bad pleasures as well as good.


    And therefore to acknowledge that bad and good are the same?


    There can be no doubt about the numerous difficulties in which this question is involved.

    There can be none.

    Further, do we not see that many are willing to DO or to HAVE or to seem to BE what is just and honourable without the reality; but no one is satisfied with the appearance of good—the reality is what they seek; in the case of the good, appearance is despised by every one.

    • Fantastic quote.. THANK YOU I will use it for my next post.

      Big hug to you Shaun.

  5. Cool!!
    It is very late, and I was about to skip over that email announcing your new blog post, but something made me change my mind – and that was good. Thank your for your insight and courage to say this truth so bluntly.
    Don’t know where I heard this from – it might have been LRH, or was it Bill Robertson – it’s lonely at the top. So, if it is getting less crowded around you that can actually be a good indicator that you are on the right path. And it might well be that at the very top I am the only one left, because I have created all my reality – I don’t know that yet, but I am sure I will find out – and with your post you have helped me on my path to get there – thank you, Silvia!

    • You are very welcome!! Yes LRH said that, I remember, but so many other advanced philosophers.

      However that does not hold true, if you leave the MEST view point of this game.
      At one point enter a different dimension and one day you realize you are able to ‘see’ a multitude of beings like you, to “hear’ conversations you never heard and to do things you never imaging doing… But then you will not be surprised anymore, because that will be your new world… one of the steps up…
      The transition is hard but the reward is above human expectation.

      • hmmm, interesting….
        but isn’t that the same game on a higher level? because, once there, you will again work yourself up to a higher level within that plane and you will be again one of few with the idea to move up to the next plane where you will meet another set of players.
        My idea of the whole situation is that we develop to a state where we do not need any company any more. That does – in NO way – mean that we don’t enjoy it when we have it – just the opposite – but that we are just as much at peace if we are all by ourselves as when we are with that very special being. I say ‘just the opposite’ because that will be a companionship that is totally voluntary and does not contain the slightest bit of need or ‘must-have’.

  6. Silvia, of course you feel sad at times, no matter how beautiful life is and fun games you can play, you are still at the level of physical universe!

    Achieving higher spiritual and ethical levels is THE game!

    I am glad that you found Kay, she seems to be a real loving true friend! 🙂 ❤

  7. Aida, You, Kay and few others are true family and you all are so wonderfully different and unique.
    Thank you for existing.

  8. Ciao Silvia,in settimana ho scritto dei commenti sul blog (lareception)
    riguardo alcune riflessioni quesiti di cui non ho una risposta e pensavo a te ed al tuo livello di Consapevolezza.
    Avrei voluto linkare un tuo articolo quello del 27 settembre 2010

    Un Thetan è un Thetan. Quando é consapevole di sé stesso ed é consapevole di essere consapevole di sé stesso ha giá, da un pó abbandonato il suo punto di vista originale per potersi guardare.

    Ed a seguire: … il concetto sbagliato dell’essere.

    Che di fatto da un ulteriore spiegazione del “The Truman Show?”.

    Di fatto sono rimasto con i miei quesiti in attesa di raggiungere una maggiore consapevolezza attraverso il percorre L’ EPISODIO UNO.
    descritto nella definizione di CORPO THETA PRINCIPALE.
    E poi ho menzionato the next level ricordi.

    Ciao Adriano.

  9. Mi fa piacere sentirti Adriano.
    Usa pure tutti i link che vuoi.
    Se un thetan considera che e’ consapevole di essere consapevole ha gia lasciato se stesso e sta usado un punto di vista da dove guardarsi e vedere che e’ consapevole. C;e introversione.

    la knowingness pura non ha pensiero o parole. e’ conoscenza.
    😀 un abbraccio a te e Nena con grande affetto.

    • Grazie Silvia vorrei chiachierare con te su come stai, cosa fai, dormi? ecc….. e ti seguo tramite i tuoi blog anche’ se la versione italiana e un po’ trascurata mai immagino problemi di connessione o di tempo.
      Ciao con affetto Adriano Nena


    a synopsis and analysis of the play by Henrik Ibsen


    Truly, Dr. Stockmann is an idealist; else he would not place so much faith in the staff of the People’s Messenger, who love the people so well that they constantly feed them with high-sounding phrases of democratic principles and of the noble function of the press, while they pilfer their pockets.

    That is expressed in Hovstad’s own words, when Petra, the daughter of Dr. Stockmann, returns a sentimental novel she was to translate for the People’s Messenger: “This can’t possibly go into the Messenger,” she tells Hovstad; “it is in direct contradiction to your own opinion.”

    HOVSTAD: Well, but for the sake of the cause–
    PETRA: You don’t understand me yet. It is all about a supernatural power that looks after the so-called good people here on earth, and turns all things to their advantage at last, and all the bad people are punished.
    HOVSTAD: Yes, but that’s very fine. It’s the very thing the public like.
    PETRA: And would you supply the public with such stuff? Why, you don’t believe one word of it yourself. You know well enought that things don’t really happen like that.
    HOVSTAD: You’re right there; but an editor can’t always do as he likes. He often has to yield to public opinion on small matters. After all, politics is the chief thing in life — at any rate for a newspaper; and if I want the people to follow me along the path of emancipation and progress, I mustn’t scare them away. If they find such a moral story down in the cellar, they’re much more willing to stand what is printed above it — they feel themselves safer.

  11. The above play segment reminds me why Public Relations tech that CoS works on, fails eventually when the readers, watchers, listeners network.

    I ‘learnt’ as an Sea Org member never draw attention to your error, so that others don’t realize you make errors. I consider it a terrible lesson in superiority.

    Why would a person not want to draw attention to their errors, and to be incorrectly viewed as right and infallible ?

  12. The only thing I ever wish is that I knew then what I know now! Such is life. You make the best decisions you can based on the info/awareness you have at the time. Live and learn. Learn from your mistakes and success too.

    But is your life ever going “wrong” ? I don’t see it that way.

    I am happy that you are there and I really do appreciate the help you give!
    I also appreciate the things you share on your blog very much.
    ❤ 🙂

    • Thank you Tara,
      You do a lot for me… I appreciate so much your friendship.
      Love to you and the girls…

  13. Hi Sylvia,

    Thank for expressing your honest feelings. I experience the same phenomenon you describe. As Krishnamurti and LRH said, “being well-adjusted in a highly aberrant society is not a healthy condition for spiritual beings”. “Freedom from” is not the same as “freedom to”, i.e. freedom to be you in your native state.

  14. Happiness is a gift you give to yourself.

    Each person has his own idea of how things have to be before they allow themselves to be happy.

    Some people have more considerations on that line than others.

    Apparently, all of your considerations on that line have not be met.

    Sylvia, how do things have to be before you allow yourself to be happy?

    How do things have to be before you give yourself that gift?



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