INTERESTING UNIVERSE: In the moment when you start feeling you MUST have something, you already have lost it. And the first thing you have lost is your freedom to not have.

Interesting universe…

every time I’m truly happy something explodes

and is with the people I less expect it.




Yesterday, after long time, I was laying on my bed perfectly happy.

I have a man with who I share passion and love,

my son is here and we are having

the most amazing connection we ever had.

My neighbours showed up yesterday

with  more presents for my entire family

that I ever had for the past 5 years together.


Family is where you are loved...

I live in a land of dream.

Cardinals, Roadrunners, sparrows and  squirrels greed me every morning.

I have the most amazing friends I ever had near and far.


I was trying to find something to audit

and there was nothing there.


Then I though:

Wants me to be happy?

Wants me to forget about truth?

Wants me to feel there is nothing there?

Distraction? Happiness? Peace?


Although happiness and wanting me to be happy

seemed to be positive items, they did blew big charge…

The other funny thing is that every time I’m perfectly happy,

one of these people I care the most

explode on me as dynamite.

They seem to have a perfectly good reason.

But the bottom of the story is,

no matter how much you can fuck up,

true friends and people who truly love you will never leave you.


They might come and kick you butt,

but that is much better than leaving.

My last blog was about present time.

I know many of my “friends” will leave at one point or another.

But the one that truly care, who loves me,

who is happy for me

and really wish me happiness will always stay.

Even if that means looking at me from a distance.


I do that with many of my true friends.

It makes me happy to know that they are winning in life

even if not with me beside them.




Sometimes to really love someone

you must have the courage to let them go,

go where they are loved or where they feel they need to be

or are needed.


But indeed, love, the pure one does not ask for anything,

it is a joy of outflowing and of giving.


It is one of the most wonderful therapy

to both who is well-off enough to give,

and to whom is receiving it.

This reminded me of havigness.

havigness as ‘the ability to have’ not the “having itself”.

In the moment when you feel you must-have

you already have lost it all.

And the first thing you have lost

is your freedom to-not-have.

Recently I found out from the man I love

that one of the colors I used plentifully in decorating my home

is one of the color he dislikes.

I told him I wished I would have known about it sooner.

He told me I needed to decorate my home as I like it.


It is an interesting point.

When you love someone, this being a friend, a lover, your child

they become part of you.

Your universes co-exist.



Being them now part of you,

you can feel their emotions good or bad,

enjoy their wins and share their losses.


To avoid doing something they do not like

or creating by adding something they do like,

it will automatically benefit you.


It enhances the survival and tone of the group.

It is like creating a song

where all the notes go well together.

Aesthetic has harmony as part of it.

In many ways,

when you do something for someone you love,

you do it for yourself.



It is by long ways different from being a self denial action

(on the lower band of human emotions).

At the opposite, it is a pan determined one.

...There can be a lot of fun in making the lives of people we care about very special.

It is part of the fun of creation.









and do what LRH wanted them to do:



The ‘Center of Advanced Spiritual Research and it’s Applications’ is NOW open in Texas and Italy.

We unite spiritual beings

while helping OT’s to live as OTs.




I’m a Class VI auditor, 2 Flag Internships  and an OT7+

and I’m auditing daily on the solo’s upper levels on the OT band.




My team and I are available to travel in USA and Europe.

We deliver in English, Spanish and Italian.

Center for Spiritual Research and its applications



ITALY: Silvia Kusada/Maurice Pascal


Silvia Kusada


Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 7+.



  1. “No matter how much you can fuck up, true friends and people who truly love you will never leave you. “
    How true, I have found out after so much solo auditing that love since that is the life-force itself and therefore can’t be as-is-ad remains forever. When all that shit the MEST is erased what is left? Love affinity, pure un-diluted affinity.
    By the way a bit of ass kicking is good in any relationship that is in fact a wonderful experience it gives different reality bring a new dimension into the created universe of friendship.
    New game condition, new stimulation: confront, evaluation and invalidations. Moving on, creating time space…………….
    All these help the advancement, the involvement of the universes the friendship, Long as both party knows that affinity-love is still there that was and never damaged since that is impossible in the first place.
    A good brawl, wow, nothing like thunderbolts flying about, gnashing of teeth, silvery flames of draggers zigzagging through the universe: absolutely terrific experience. Bring it on; let’s have a wonderful game where we can slide up and down on the tone scale thousands of times!!!!!!!!!!
    And after that we can help each other to pick out the splinters ………….

    • You make me smile Elizabeth.
      You are one of a kind and I LOVE U.

      • true darling, my finger prints say the same, they are like snow flakes no two alike that goes for beings too, their universes that is—-the reality how we wiev the universe……

  2. INTERESTING UNIVERSE: In the moment when you start feeling you MUST have something, you already have lost it. And the first thing you have lost is your freedom to not have.
    If anyone would examine the statement above would see it is profound beyond…..Lets break it down into two section.
    Simple, the item is been mocked up in your universe therefore is EXISTING, otherwise you would not think of it, since the thought existing therefore IT IS.
    In that same instance one experience that you can’t help but having it Just because it is not solid standing front of you and can’t be kicked like one would a car tire it still IS that is one OT ability everyone has and now called illusion, imagination……your friends say you have a good imagination etc….. All the inventions which has become solid once were nothing more than imagination and look around you the MEST everything in it once was a thought a wish, a imagination including the meat body you dragging about “your body”……. Bloody Hell, there is lot of imagination is at work and continually produces those must have’s.
    You have it, it might be seen with the eyes touched by hand, driven or simply one wears it sit on it. But it is “has been” belongs to the past and the moment of creation long gone.
    Have you ever wondered why you become bored with a lover, husband your cloth, your car, your friends, the magnificent view front of your window still there but you hardly see it and that was the reason you have your house there?
    The first thoughts were the real; the created that is when the enthusiasm was that is the mocking up, after that downhill all the way. You can think the same thought “I love my view it is beautiful” but that is simply wanting to keep it there sort of insurance that it is there….. anchor it, make it solid-permanent……..But all gone…. Only the eyes can see it …..Nothing more……… The moment of creation long gone, since than one had tens of thousands of thoughts.
    Incredible, very true, you have thought, you create continually= you have. Now, “all” your creations are pressing on you from all side. Being overwhelmed, people do all sort of thing to free self from not having: meditate, yoga, all sort of spiritual exercises in order to free the mind not to have thoughts. Dugs alcohol and suicide: yes that is on escape, some goes mad[ too much havingness] and some kills the source chop it up, shoots it, in order not to be in existence…. in order to be keyed out of it. Some move to rural, back to nature where is less…
    That statement above is a two edged sword: so very true. But NOT having the ability to as-is keep the creations which is ones BANK that is the MEST intact that is the burden. Over the eons has become solid prison to one, prison without walls.
    I am posting this in my blog to. Thanks Silia for it. Much love.

  3. […] INTERESTING UNIVERSE: In the moment when you start feeling you MUST have something, you already have… […]

  4. “They seem to have a perfectly good reason. But the bottom of the story is, no matter how much you can fuck up, true friends and people who truly love you will never leave you.”

    And I am learning to apply this in reverse. Taking responsibility for someone I love and being the best friend I can possibly be – despite how damned messed up and out-reality it can get. I spent a VERY long time learning a tech that can make my life amazing and has and does. It’s easy to forget what having my own reactive mind was like and what living with one can be like too. Wouldn’t it be nice to just be surrounded by OTs without such? Well, in fact there are always realities to live comfortably in and with that will be different from mine – OT or not. That’s okay. That’s living.

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