and it’s love everywhere…



I met ‘Isabel’, the mother of a friend, and we followed in love with each other. When couple of days ago I went to visit her, she had this chocolates especially for me. They are called “Kisses”. She told me: “I love you Silvia!”. I was so touched I cried for quite a bit.

As you might know I write about my life.

It is mostly about confronting the problems I run into while

working to improve myself or helping others to improve themselves.


There is a side of my life I haven’t talked much about.

… I have been counseling myself and others for tens of years now.

In the last few years I have gone through a lot.

With my auditing I have restimulated a lot charge

and found myself to face an enormous amount of energy

which expressed itself in different and surprising ways.

Some of you, reading through my posts,

may think my life suck.

… No, it does not, at the opposite

it is a true adventure.

If it is required to go through hell

in order to obtain truth,

I’ll go.



I do not know the title or the author of this drawing (if anyone does please let me know), but it is one of my favorite. I call it “The Power of Love”.  I admire the intensity, the determination and passion that transpire from this character. Something I relay to very much as a way of living.

Sure. When I tell you how you feel in hell,

many of you might think I’m crazy and a loser.


… Those people do not have enough overview

to see that that it is just a stepping stone

toward a much better – gratifying way of living

of a spiritual being.

Today I wish to tell you about my life in the past 2 years.

I’m now 46 yeas old.

In 46 years I have been truly loved only once.

I’m talking about unconditional love.

(My brother Bruce K.)

Never really had a family.

My mom could not stand me, as she confirmed to me

few years ago, I was stronger than her, she did envy that

and tried to break me down.

I was lucky enough to live a passionate love story,

Juliet and Romeo type, when I was 14…

It reminded me that the way to love

is to love with all yourself and

that love does not have limits.


… From there on, I have been

going my way out to help people,

but it has been very much a one way flow.

… What a long, cold winter!!


… After the physical and psychological attacks

from Mr. “good guy”. Eric P. W.,  supported by his friend,

the church of $ staff Frank Zurn

and other like-minded

people in the Church of $cientology,

I touched the bottom.

I solo audited the “Introspection Rundown” back in 2010.

As a skilled auditor and C/S, as a very a succesful solo auditor

I felt I had all it could take to do it.

… It has been a fantastic rundown.

Although my pain did not cease at the time,

looking back, I have to trace to that rundown

a significant change in my life.

I started to get help.

I was not asking for it,

it was flowing to me free

and from people who truly cared.

… Nothing behind that help flow,

just a pure desire to help.

At that time I connected with Aida Thomas

and her husband David.

There were the first addition to my theta family.


Silvia Kusada with one of the best Top Field Auditor Class VIII and OT4 Aida Thomas.

Aida saved my life few times,

her grasp of the Tech and her care level is exceptional.

About at the same time,

I was introduced by a “guardian angel” to Mr Smith.

I ended up having one of my dreams come true.

He is one of the most amazing auditor and researcher

I ever wished to meet.


He opened his house to me.

I lived  5 minutes from the “il Duomo” cathedral

in the center of Milan for almost a year.

During all this time

I was still fighting pain and suicidal thoughts.

… but my “family” was getting bigger and bigger.

Mr. Smith and I shared our studies and researches.

Thanks to him some of the walls

the church had me to build

by the constant feeding and imposition of false data


I returned to the United Stated

with light years of progress under my belt.

Helping others and solo auditing helped me to stay afloat,

but living, still, was to me a very difficult activity.

Elizabeth Hamre, was another key terminal

and another addition to my theta family.

She is a true OT, and as a true OT she never gives up on truth.


I love her dearly for that, as I share the same passion.


When through my blog I started to communicate with Elizabeth, I told myself. Either she is a true OT or she is nuts.. I went to see her and found a true OT. A woman with an insight of the spiritual world as very few have.

After that a person I strongly cared of

but who has been quite antagonistic till than, offered me help.

For the first time in 10 years he was really there for me.


… Auditing for me was still happening every single day.

It was only by the end of June 2011,

when I met Kay Proctor,

that my suicidal impulse subsided.

For the first time in her house I felt at home.

I don’t know how to explain it,  but Kay was home.


Silvia Kusada with OT 5 Kay Proctor. Kay has been a key terminal for the creation of this center.


Kay is another true OT,

not by her level, but by the courage with which she faces truth.

She  is so beyond the world many OT still believe in.

… It is thanks to her that I found my stargate to the other dimension.

The land where the spiritual center is now located.


I followed in love with this space the first time I saw it.

It appeared like a dumpster, but since I do not look at the world with the body eyes,… I saw the “stargate” beyond that crap.

In less than a month the transformation started…

2011 Sept 01 threes

till today…

The Spiritual Center now. Silvia Kusada with Alfredo, another incredible OT.

It has been a team activity.

Alfredo has been a continue surprise.

One day, I returned from a movie set

and he had builded and installed

the symbol-logo of the Center (Two souls).


For the time he was here he has been surprising me

every single day by his outstanding contribution

to the improvement of the center.


This guy is one of a kind!!

… But this is not all


The help I got by the neighbours
has been almost overwhelming.
I had never had to ask anything.
Help has been just pouring in free-flowing.
The day after Christmas I went to town for few hours to return to find
that my 2 neighbours, Phil and John
installed the wood stove.

I always loved fire, the smell of wood… it just adding to an already warm environment. THANKs to Phil and John….

Not only that, they even bought the parts.
My other neighbour Joe
brings me my mail every day.
He is one of this people who read your thoughts
and make your dreams happen.
 Christine and Scott are the actors…
I have cried on their shoulder few times.
Christine has given me love, care and incredible advises.
It is interesting how the Church of $cientology, teaches its parishioner,
to not trust psychologists or any other practices.
Yet, I have found more “Scientology” in Christine and Terry advises,
than in the very words of those supposedly Scientologist activists.
The love and care this people give me every single day
is superior to what I ever dream on this planet.
They are family to me.
This is something
that this “superior” scientologists have lost.
The Church of $cientology is destroying
every single bit of humanity human have left.
Yes, last week the guy I love  left.
In truth the biggest loss is on his part.
But look,
I have been and I’m loved everywhere in my new world.
This makes me a very wealthy woman.

With my 2 cats. Lupo and Goccia. Lupo is the man of the house and takes care of me and his girlfriend Goccia.

So many times I have shared my pain with you.
I shared what I have found diving into the unknown of the spiritual traps.
It is worse than terrifying many times,
but is a journey and the true auditor knows
that I’m on my way through it.
It is a walk upward…
it is an upwards trend even if one day
I will not be around.
If you get the creeps by my last words
please audit out or have an auditor Audit you
on the “Must Have” – “Can’t Have” of a body.






Center for Spiritual Research and its applications



Silvia Kusada


Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 7+.




  2. Lovely post. I see you have much love in your life.

    • she sure has, since love is every creation the good or the bad… they are equal. only considerations have changed that creation to be labeled bad or good that is in order to have a game. Without those considerations the good or bad—- value or value-less there is no game. For the game condition to exist one needs those considerations

  3. For the record, I never thought anything other than how I admire you for facing life as an auditor and bringing yourself up to higher and higher spiritual awareness – something every spirit has to do sooner or later, by whatever means possible!

    I understand “case” and I appreciate that you communicate about how you confront and handle it and become more spiritually enlightened by doing so.

    No question here, you ARE definitely loved! ❤

  4. You are enjoying a tremendous drama and adventure. Well done! How much more perfect could it be?

  5. Dearest Silvia,
    I am so thankful that we met! You have been a wonderful friend for me and I admire you for all the theta and for sharing with us your sorrows and your joys…
    Life is a journey and there are struggles and lessons…I am glad that you are now moving on the right direction…just keep on walking
    Lots and lots of love.

  6. My love back to you Silvia ! :-))

  7. You are a beautiful woman silvia, my best wishes for you !!!

    • Ni Rafael, question for you, are you commenting an her looks or how is she as a spiritual being? Would toy still say you are a beautiful woman if you would not see her picture? Bit of challange for you my DEAR. Elizabeth

      • Dear elizabeth, you and Silvia are beautiful spiritual beings but the picture helps to get the R-factor too.

      • Rafael would love to hear you R-factor. Please, comply… for the pleasure of communication…

      • Elizabeth, it is always a pleasure to communicate with you . About the R-factor, i mean it is important to get the emotional tone level very high. Example: if you are a soft ball player probably you would like to look like the rest of the players in the playing field, just for the fun of the human exchange. To do otherwise will be an open critic to the existence of the rest of the persons, imho.

      • Rafael, old pussy cat, good to comm. with you too.
        What is Silvia’s post had to do being a woman a beautiful woman?
        If there were no pictures of Silvia, just that posting and there was not even a name which indicated the writer had a male or female body, tell me how you would have responded to that. Silvia and I, we write of our life what is happening to us after leaving scientology. We both are solo auditors; we are on the path of seeking knowledge by confrontation. The path is not easy, but that path we walk on has nothing to do with what gender the body is.
        Since I been here on this planet about 2500 years, since than very few times I had female body, only twice but about dozen times I had male body. [ hehehe- this do not make me a bisexual… hehe, fact there is no sex since that has been as-ised since sex is a implanted activity]
        This alone could show one that being male or female has nothing to do with spirituality and how one thinks- act etc… I can see you have commented on the looks of her body, since you are a young man that is a automatic reaction to see the body, by looking with the eyes… But you have not commented on her article. So Rafael, please do so… love to hear it….

      • Elizabeth, i have read carefully the article of silvia and your last comment . The truth of it is, you get additional data looking at the person in front of you, not just reading or hearing him/her. Age do not matter, i will have 44 this march but i feel young in spirit. I apreciate the pics of persons and would miss seriously an absense of them ( being them male or female, young or mature ) this is the basic reason this post moved me to comment.
        On the topic of this article, Silvia says ” If it is required to go through hell in order to obtain truth, I’ll go. ” . My point on this is, may be truth is found in the heaven too.

      • love it Rafael good for you.. I was right you are on old pussy cat… but not in spirit… here is the body 72, but let me tell you… there are no age for the spirit, only for the body. It has been eons since I felt this good, Top on the universe …. i would love to have your comments in mu blog too… reality, different view points on posting do expend their value…love your comm.

  8. It should say, “HI” and the toy “you” should read, Sorry cant make out the computer face well.

  9. You said you would go through hell to get to the truth.But we already did,did,nt we ?

    • Hi Cliff, what a comment, you right, this given me a new look, Yes we have but auditing sorts out the deatais, how the lies have come about, The sessions crystallise – form – develop the truth which are the cognition . Just to read about something do not bring the experience. the true knowledge. the why’s the reasons for….

  10. Reblogged this on My LRH and commented:
    Silvia came and audited my teens to help them through the death of their father. It was quite miraculous really. She also got me checked out on all of my solo drills and ready to start my OT levels!.
    What an inspiration she is!

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