THE TRAP OF ADMIRATION
This is not about my life, it is about my research
into the various traps of the of the material universe.
The last few years have been very interesting to me.
I started to accept help,
and in the moment I did,
I started to have an incredible affluence of it.
But every time something beautiful
was coming to me on a form of help, admiration or appreciation,
I had the feeling something was wrong.
Part of me was fighting it,
and I started to fight that part of me that was rejecting help.
Now I understand a bit more.
All my past studies in Tibet, the knowledge gained at the time
still are with me in form of knowingness.
Receiving help is an inflow, and what an inflow does,
is putting you attention inward, on you.
It gives you a position in space
while it tells you
that your body represents you
and, in a sort of way,
that you better be your body if you want attention,
if you want to survive.
It is the opposite side of the introversion by invalidation.
You validate or invalidate someone too much
and you get the same result.
And Introversion it is, even if accompanied
by two different emotions;
sad or happy to be seen.
But does not matter if you are looking inward
because all the world is cheering at you,
or because you have been just made feel like a piece of ‘crap’.
The result is that every time you look inward
you are becoming smaller and therefore more solid.
Any way, few years ago, having had a big sense of failure
I decided to change my operative base
and to let the inflow in, the admiration and love.
It did not feel to good especially when was directed to this body,
but I have been working hard to balance the flow by
… recently something odd happen.
I considered this inflow-outflow
losing its balance.
When OSA started to attack me,
I had more love, care and admiration flowed to me,
that I was ready to handle.
I felt popular and beautiful.
I felt true love from many sources,
and few envy flows from some others.
But the majority it was an incredible tsunami of love
Surprisely it did not feel good.
I made me feel like MEST (solid-heavy).
The beautiful trap of admiration.
I felt selfish.
I thought to myself:
“I have to exchange the flow.”
I had an urgent need to balance it!!
I was thinking about it.
Thinking is bank.
What it was clear to me now it was how easily
you can fall in the trap of popularity.
In the having to continue to be in a certain way
to not disappoint others or in order to continue to
receive love and support.
THE VALENCE trap.
LRH himself mention that fame is not a good thing,
it gets you stuck into a valence.
… I have this very clear now.
With it, out it goes your freedom.
I couldn’t wait to be alone and with the use of meditation
(soloing) to handle all the masses connected to the
need to be loved, need to be seen,
need to not change, to not disappoint,
afraid to piss off people because your popularity,
having too much love or too little love,
and any thought related to this.
The must-have or not-have are both aberration.
They are an unnecessary addition
of the simply existing.
By meditation (soloing) and by eliminating
this facets of havigness.
I can maintain my freedom.
As Krishnamurty say:
We all want to be famous people,
and the moment we want to be something
we are no longer free.
“I restore myself when I’m alone.”
To live a pure unselfish life,
one must count nothing as one’s own
in the midst of abundance.
What it is that gives me real joy and makes me feel
I have achieved something?
Have the people I have helped directly or indirectly made a further step toward freedom?
Has there been an increasing of love, empathy and care?
That is what it is important to me.
Help as an outflow.
Actually it is not even that
when you are above the
flows motions of this universe.
It is an individuality which melts into an allness
while keeping you an individual.
When you making somebody happy, when you help somebody win
when somebody gains a step toward freedom,
you are getting it all.
Boundaries, limitations, space…
it is all a trick of this universe.
We HELP OT’s to GET BACK on the LEVEL
and do what LRH wanted them to do:
We unite spiritual beings
while helping OT’s to live as OTs.
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