She is what reminds me every day that no matter what I should always love with all myself.

I loved with all myself a man and then I lost him.

I’m suffering like a sick dog.



But I wish for him to find peace

and harmony in his heart.


I wish for me to be able to overcome my pain enough

to continue my research into the “No time”

and dissolve the rest of my grief there.

I’m glad the pilot took himself off my list of Facebook.

I did not want anyone of the people who care about me

to be upset or have any bad energy toward him.

he has a lot to deal with.


And we should just send him our blessing.


I do not move on without protesting,

crying and feeling all the possible pain.

That is my way to move on

and when I do

I value the love I have been able to give to another soul.


I got many friends helping me.

I will make it trough.

When I say that, I mean I will work and handle the “me”

the “self-importance” which is what times and pain is.

… with this body or another.


I’m very lucky because every day I walk side by side with death.

She is my companion and a good friend.


She is what reminds me every day

that no matter what

I should always love with all myself.


I should be myself.


Loving at times

might seem to kill you,

but the worse death is living life

trying to be something you are not.



One of my friend wrote me:

“Silvia you cannot kill yourself, imagine if you were a fat chick

who has nothing in her life

and works every day in a fast food….” “You are lucky!!”

My answer to him was:

“That is another way to be dead”.

When I will die, it will be for the good.

My body has going through a lot.

Too many losses.

LRH talks about the Theta-Mest theory

and that explains it.

At times death is necessary

to get read of the too heavy burden of life

which has become unberable to a body.

But there is a wonderful future ahead of me.

The perfect quote came in my E-mail today:

“Surely, memory is time, is it not?,

and through time we hope to achieve a result:

I am a clerk today and, given time and opportunity,

I will become the manager or the owner.

And, with the same mentality, we say,

‘I shall achieve reality, I shall approach God.

So, through time we hope to achieve the timeless,

through time we hope to gain the eternal.

Can you do that?

Can you catch the eternal in the net of time

through memory which is of time?

The timeless can be only when memory,

which is the ‘me’ and the ‘mine’, ceases.

If you see the truth of that – that through time

the timeless cannot be understood or received –

then we go into the problem of memory.

The memory of technical things is essential,

but the psychological memory that maintains the self,

the ‘me’ and the ‘mine’, that gives identification and self-continuance,

is wholly detrimental to life and to reality.

When one sees the truth of that,

the false drops away; therefore,

there is no psychological retention of yesterday’s experience. –

Collected Works, Vol. V,119,

By J. Krishnamurti









Silvia Kusada


Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 7+.



  1. Very basics can be so helpful! Let me tell you how I found that out. It was my very first deep love and I had been dumped. I had just learned about all that scientology stuff and how I saw the world was probably just too much out of reality. But that’s not the important thing, what was, was that I was crushed. I had had a feverish night (yes, I also do everything to the fullest, including pain) and sat at my parents breakfast table, streaming tears and sobbing.
    There my dad came in, quickly got the story from all around and made his emotionless assessment: OK, he has lover’s grief! (the German word he used is much better, but let’s live with this word).
    That simple statement of fact already got me up the tone scale, because I got rather angry that he could call that terrible pain I was experiencing by such a simple world! How could he, I was dieing here!!
    But it helped me so much, that a bit later I went to my room and squirreled like hell (a green PC soloing): I chased myself around the room and did objectives – go over to that wall, thank you, touch it, thank you, etc, etc. Don’t quite remember because it is a long time ago, but I might have done this two or three hours.
    Then I was OK! In the afternoon I went to a park with some friends. It was a beautiful holiday and I was able to feel the joy of many people frolicking. And when I noticed that I was able to observe young teenagers playing their first flirting games without a pain in my heart but instead enjoying their game, I thought to myself – cool tech!
    And I made myself the promise that would not allow this experience to make me cautious.

  2. Love your article, you speak from the heart. I’ve known much sadness too and loss. You will do well through any experience. I believe you are strong, able and wise. Much love, Dee

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