John could have had an amazing life with me,

but he choosed to succumb to his fears.

He will not come back, unless he realizes

that a true warrior, in life,

recognizes his fear without indulging in it.

However, he left me a gift.



Just the other night after coming back

from celebrating my neighbor birthday

I felt extremely sad.


I couldn’t stay at home alone

so I called my step mom Isabel.

We adopted each other about a year ago.


With her I feel home and safe.

Being in a loving environment made it easy for me

to spot the fact that all that huge grief was not actually mine.

I went to sleep with an interesting feeling of calmness.

I slept 5 hours straight after almost a week of no sleep.


The night at Isabel was a delightful surprise.

Carlo Castaneda was thrown brutally out of the ordinary-reality

by the use of peyote or other mind altering drugs.

But not only.

His teacher Don Juan, would do things to create in him

a state of intense fear or shock.


This to coax him to leave the ordinary-reality,

the rationale of the analytical mind

and face the real world behind this illusion.




The way John left me it has been a shock,

and that shock left me,

as per Castaneda, the gift to the right prospective.


It did threw me out abruptly,

out of the “reality”, the ordinary-reality.


This morning I could see.

I could see the treads of energy,

I could see the non- ordinary-reality under its true face of energy.


By looking at the net of energy,

I knew how many cars I had behind without looking back.

It was all connected and coordinated very well.


Also, having decreased greatly my intake of food

I have achieved a state of lightness of my body,

it is not a point of weight loss, but a matter of transparency.


I have to say that all this incident had started

a huge metamorphosis for me.


The metamorphosis is panful and tough,

but I feel at peace.

I feel another big step has been achieved.

Serenity of being is the only way out.

It has transparency.

That is what I’m aiming for.




Joy, enthusiasm, happiness as any of the lower emotions carry energy.

And energy is what keeps you here tied up into the game of flows.

The game of the “milked cows”.


As Don Juan says, you need to be free of any past,

of any history or present.

Existing without being here.

I’m ready to embark on another spiritual journey.

I started to give away things and get lighter.

It feels really good. My true wealth is in not having anything.

My cats and I, got much closer to each other.

I have a great relationship with my body.


Today, I have learned

how to change reality by moving the assemblage points of energy.

It is a fantastic, fascinating thing.


Many thanks to all my true friends.


A word by my favorite philosopher.


“It is extremely difficult to b aware of dullness, to be aware of greed, to be aware of ill-will, ambition, and so on. The very fact of being aware of ‘what is’ is truth. It is truth that liberates, not your striving to be free.

Thus, reality is not far, but we place it far away because we try to use it as a means of self-continuity.

It is here, now, in the immediate.

The eternal or the timeless is now and the now cannot be understood by a man who is caught in the net of time.

To free thought from time demands action, but the mind is lazy, it is slothful, and therefore ever creates other hindrances.It is only possible by right meditation, which means complete action not a continuous action, and complete action can only be understood when the mind comprehends the process of continuity, which is memory – not the factual but the psychological memory.

As long as memory functions, the mind cannot understand ‘what is’. But one’s mind, one’s whole being, becomes extraordinarily creative, passively alert, when one understands the significance of ending, because in ending there is renewal, while in continuity there is death, there is decay. The very fact of being aware of ‘what is’ is truth.

The timeless is now and the now cannot be understood. The mind cannot understand what is.

– The First and Last Freedom,265

by J. Krishnamurti







and do what LRH wanted them to do:



We unite spiritual beings

while helping OT’s to live as OTs.




I’m a Class VI auditor, 2 Flag Internships  

Cl 4 C/S and an OT7+

and I’m auditing daily on the solo’s upper levels on the OT band.




My team and I are available to travel in USA and Europe.

We deliver in English, Spanish and Italian.

Center for Spiritual Research and its applications



ITALY: Silvia Kusada/Maurice Pascal


Silvia Kusada


Class VI (SHSBC), Class IV C/S and OT 7+.


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