There is no home in a prison, but there are people who, like you, know where home is…

There is no home in a prison, but there are people who, like you, know where home is…

Three years ago a guy came to visit and touched my soul.


soul touch


I mistakenly assumed two souls when connected,

would be able to overcome anything in this physical-illusionary world.

What I did not know at that time was,

although people can momentarily awaken

fueled by the energy of someone spiritually powerful,

if they do not have enough personal energy,

they will fall right back asleep.


And so while the soul touching exist beyond time,

everything in this physical universe dies.

I woke up few months later married to an angry-capricious man

who was lacking any sense of integrity, loyalty and compassion.

I knew I was in the wrong dream,

yet, I would have stayed till dead to fulfill my promise of love.


He, instead, did me the favor to set me free.

The psychological torture I endured during this time was so deep

this body still undergoing extreme moments

of severe grief and depression

although life has made my last ‘human’ dream come true;

some months ago I met a man…

We had common spiritual interest and so I agree to meet him.

After few dates I realized what a human soul mate is.

“…In true mysticism there is no sacrifice of feeling. Mystical sensations are sensations of the same category as the sensation of love, only infinitely higher and more complex. Love “sex”, these are but a foretaste of mystical sensations. “ Ouspensky: A NEW MODEL OF THE UNIVERSE “Sex and Evolution” ------------ "Mistical sensations undoubtely and incontestably have a taste of sex... Of course all we know in life, only in love is there a taste of the mystical, a taste of ecstasy. Nothing else in our life brings us so near to the limit of human possibilities, beyond which begins the unknown. The Strange Life of PD Ouspensky by Colin Wilson

“…In true mysticism there is no sacrifice of feeling. Mystical sensations are sensations of the same category as the sensation of love, only infinitely higher and more complex. Love “sex”, these are but a foretaste of mystical sensations. “
Ouspensky: A NEW MODEL OF THE UNIVERSE “Sex and Evolution”
“Mystical sensations undoubtely and incontestably have a taste of sex… Of course all we know in life, only in love is there a taste of the mystical, a taste of ecstasy. Nothing else in our life brings us so near to the limit of human possibilities, beyond which begins the unknown.
The Strange Life of PD Ouspensky by Colin Wilson


During our spiritual meetings, where at closed eyes

I could perceive the different energies of the participants,

I noticed the energy of B. to be a whole with mine.

One of the most amazing experiences I had in this illusion.

There is no me or him in the energy view of this illusion,

although the analytical mind does an amazing work

on trying to separate and add impurities to this perfect flowing

toward full fusion of two drops of “oil” into one drop.


When recently I met his family,

I found myself experiencing the reunion of old souls (friends).





Although our “performances” on the stage of life

have been very different as far as backgrounds,

stage costumes and other appearances of matter, time and place,

the plot of our lives (energy type) have been extremely similar.


Ouspensky believes we are going to go through

the same events life after life,

with the only change in time, background and costumes.


My personal belief is ‘nothing here is real’,

although there is an awareness

which allows us to connect to other awarenessess.

This awareness is real up to the moment

we try to bring it to the level of a mind,

at which moment it becomes a lie.


That is the reason there cannot be a school

or a prearranged path.

Awareness cannot be thought or talked about.

It can only be perceived.


When you read a book, it is not the words that make the difference.

Is the fact that you, at that very moment,

are on a certain frequency to connect

with higher frequency thoughts floating aoround.

Concepts you are unable to perceive with the use of a mind.

That is the reason Sufis (Jesus too) communicated in parables.

They have a meaning for every level of frequency.


In fact as one get on higher frequencies

the meaning and truth once seen

changes completely and at times both turns into the very opposite,

till they get to a level above the ‘yin and the yang’, positive and negative

were with pure awareness we touch the no time- no space zone.

The book below, downloadable for free on te web,

is a very high level spiritual book.

It covers the business of the soul, in Scientology called ‘static’.

It might be a high gradient for many, but my advice is;

when you find something you perceive true

but you also realize you cannot fully grasp,

put it aside and find yourself a gradient.

…As soon as you rise to that understanding

you will bright up to it almost magically.

Ashtavakra The-Heart-of-Awareness



You can always write me at :

Why I choose not to use Scientology

Most people are desperately seeking to solve their problems…

they are ‘sitting’ on this sharp rock and after a while it hurts.

They want to find a better place to sit.

It could be viewed as a better job, a career,

feeling powerful, important, or happy.


With the technology of Scientology

(used without restraining freedom of thought and action)

I could actually make their dreams come true.

I could turn that painful rock into a comfortable chair.

I could make tons of money by doing that…but the truth is,

all I would be doing is helping a slave to be a happier slave.




They would be in the same exact prison blinded by an illusion of freedom.

In actuality I would be helping them to get rid of the only precious thing they have:

the desire to change.

Without that, they will never look for the door to exit the prison.

Not only, but the technology of Scientology as laid out and used today,

will bar anyone from any further awakening.

It will lead you to forget there is a door and even worse, a prison.


Since I’m not in the business of enslavement, nor I wish to contribute to it,

I decided a while ago to leave this apparently wonderful technology

to who has not be blessed with the gift of sight

and therefore does not know what is really doing.

For whoever wish to step behind the illusion of matter and time

Scientology could be use as a little gradient

to be abandoned as soon as you comfortable enough on the chair,

to be able to direct your attention and energy fully into looking for the exit door.

Arguing with the blind about which color is which will not lead anywhere.

Therefore people seriously walking toward truth 

need to walk their path alone, realizing that spiritual awareness

cannot be given, taught or explained.


The spectrum of detachments from ‘human’ to ‘God’

The spectrum of detachments from ‘human’ to ‘God’


Where a man owned consciously or unconsciously by fear would see detachment as a tool to protect his EGO by cutting off threats or unpleasant emotions, a man of spiritual power and wisdom would know detachment is not ment as detachment from others, emotions or things but from the ‘Self’, the Ego, the false personalities, the ‘I’, manifested, to mention a few, through the sense of worthiness, power, self-respect, needs of acknowledgements or success, or at times visible under false humility, self-abasement and underservement.

True un-attachement is where unconditional love lies, free of desire of rewards or judgment.

By an energy world, of course, this is sensed by a loss and produces deep fear and worries for the survival of the material ‘Self’.

For this reason true awakening is experience in the majority of cases with great suffering as the splitting of a cell, the delivery of a baby…

Look at the joy after such pain.  The sensation of freedom from a dependence.

Where many people have experienced detachment as a loss or abandonment, at higher levels, un-attachement is the virtue who enable a person to truly love. In the absence of an Ego you can truly be the other person. As I wrote to B.

“I have to get detached from all this to maintain unconditional love to you and to be able to serve you and help you at my best.
Detachment does not remove my love to you, it remove my ego, so there can be more you.”
This concept is well covered by Karma Yoga as described by Swami Vivekananda.
(You can free download his teachings on the web )
It also well explains how to live in this world, yet progressing on the spiritual path of truth and freedom.
$cientology, as many other spiritual groups and Churches, by giving you an illusion of power and self-worth, works on the solidification of the material Self under spiritual pretences…
While believing you are walking to freedom, with Scientology, you are actually building more bars to your own prison.
The question always is:
Are you looking for truth or you are chasing happiness and success?
The two are not travelling the same path.
The material universe
does not know about the superior joy and power that can only be achieve
pursuing truth.

“Is it possible for me to forget myself?
To put it very simply, is it possible for me to forget myself? Don’t say yes or no. We do not know what it means. The sacred books say so-and-so, but all that is mere words, and words are not reality. What is important is for the mind to find out whether that which has been put together, the experiencer, the thinker, the watcher, the ‘I’, can disappear, dissolve itself. There must be no other entity who dissolves it. I hope I am making myself clear. If the mind says, ‘The ‘I’ must be dissolved in order to arrive at that extraordinary state which the sacred books promise’, then there is the action of will; there is an entity who wants to arrive, so the ‘I’ still remains.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti

Something the human material mind was not built to conceive

“You know part of me still feel married to my last husband?”

“…In true mysticism there is no sacrifice of feeling. Mystical sensations are sensations of the same category as the sensation of love, only infinitely higher and more complex. Love “sex”, these are but a foretaste of mystical sensations. “ Ouspensky: A NEW MODEL OF THE UNIVERSE “Sex and Evolution” ------------

“…In true mysticism there is no sacrifice of feeling. Mystical sensations are sensations of the same category as the sensation of love, only infinitely higher and more complex. Love “sex”, these are but a foretaste of mystical sensations. “
Ouspensky: A NEW MODEL OF THE UNIVERSE “Sex and Evolution”
“Mystical sensations undoubtedly and incontestably have a taste of sex… Of course all we know in life, only in love is there a taste of the mystical, a taste of ecstasy. Nothing else in our life brings us so near to the limit of human possibilities, beyond which begins the unknown.
The Strange Life of PD Ouspensky by Colin Wilson

“You know part of me still feel married to my last husband?”

“Yes, I know and that’s Ok.” he answered me while caressing my heart with his beautiful smile.

“Part of (me), of this human form, have never left W. and another part is now loving you.” I painfully added.

He holded me tight: “I feel the same about the woman I last loved at times. Even if I love you now with all my heart.”

There was a moment of peace. Truth often gives me that soothing effect.

“How many people can you actually love at the same time?… and that being pure love?” I asked myself. Today, unlikely few years ago I know the answer to be ‘an infinity of people’.

I know love starts on a higher dimension than this rudimental delusional world where pure love degenerates and at times manifests itself through pain.

On the top of it every ‘I’ could project on you an idea of love.


B. is not just someone I deeply love, is a soul mate. I never understood what soul mate really meant until I found him. During our energy circles, with my eyes closed, I could locate every participant, I could see their energy as little condensed sparkles of different colors, motion and intensity… I could recognize people by their energy.

To my surprise, when I looked for B. I couldn’t find it. All I could see it was my energy estended to him… or his energy extended to me? There was no me or he. Our energy was one. Our energy is one. Just like 2 drops of the same substance coming out from a spoon. Identical, separated yet, part of each other.

I do not know what this illusion would do with such a beauty, I have learned truth has no business in this universe but I have also learned two beings can ‘see’ beyond the energy, beyond material perceptions and when they do they are touching each other into the infinity of unconditional love and lose any sense of separateness.

And so, where into this material world you think to love many people, you see all this people be one, be you, Bruce, William, Luca, Rhett, Randy, Aida, B..

You lose your energy form, they all lose theirs and the only thing remaining is the essence of pure love…

Something the human material mind was not built to conceive.

.grammar ofseeking

Me, myself, I, mine… the key combination to the way out of the game of illusion

Me, myself, I, my, mine: the key combination to the way out the game of illusion


Very often while sharing my pain and suffering, viewing my losses with other people I get advised ‘to start thinking more about myself’.

The funny think is the only reason I’m experiencing pain is because ‘I’m’.

I identify with a material image kept alive by a clever mind.

Pain can only be experienced when I’m not the witness,

but the creator of a game of illusion.

Opposite to common believes, the only cure is to think less about oneself, not more.


I luckily found an amazing man of wisdom

which, as Ouspensky with ‘Self-Remembering’,

explains this concepts with incredible clarity and details.

Here are some quotes. However you can download the whole of his work on-line for free.


Wishing you truth.

. Swami Vivekananda .



“The less the thought of the body, the better it is for us. For it is the body that drags us down. It is attachment, identification, which makes us miserable.

That is the secret: to think that I am a spirit and not the body, and that the whole of this universe with all of its relations, with all its good and all its evil, is but a series of painting- scenes on a canvas- of which I am the witness.”

Swami Vivekananda Classic

‘We are continually making this mistake; we are regarding nature as ourselves and are becoming attached to it; and as soon as this attachment comes, there is the deep impression on the soul, which binds us down and makes us work not from freedom but like slaves. The whole gist of this teaching is that you should work like a master and not as a slave; work incessantly, but do not do slave’s work. Do you not see how everybody works? Nobody can be altogether at rest; ninety-nine per cent of mankind work like slaves, and the result is misery; it is all selfish work. Work through freedom! Work through love! The word “love” is very difficult to understand; love never comes until there is freedom. There is no true love possible in the slave. If you buy a slave and tie him down in chains and make him work for you, he will work like a drudge, but there will be no love in him.”

“Work incessantly, but give up all attachment to work.” Do not identify yourself with anything. Hold your mind free. All this that you see, the pains and the miseries, are but the necessary conditions of this world; poverty and wealth and happiness are but momentary; they do not belong to our real nature at all. Our nature is far beyond misery and happiness, beyond every object of the senses, beyond the imagination; and yet we must go on working all the time. “Misery comes through attachment, not through work.” As soon as we identify ourselves with the work we do, we feel miserable; but if we do not identify ourselves with it, we do not feel that misery. If a beautiful picture belonging to another is burnt, a man does not generally become miserable; but when his own picture is burnt, how miserable he feels! Why? Both were beautiful pictures, perhaps copies of the same original; but in one case very much more misery is felt than in the other. It is because in one case he identifies himself with the picture, and not in the other. This “I and mine” causes the whole misery. With the sense of possession comes selfishness, and selfishness brings on misery. Every act of selfishness or thought of selfishness makes us attached to something, and immediately we are made slaves. Each wave in the Chitta that says “I and mine” immediately puts a chain round us and makes us slaves; and the more we say “I and mine”, the more slavery grows, the more misery increases. Therefore Karma-Yoga tells us to enjoy the beauty of all the pictures in the world, but not to identify ourselves with any of them. Never say “mine”. Whenever we say a thing is “mine”, misery will immediately come. Do not even say “my child” in your mind. Possess the child, but do not say “mine”. If you do, then will come the misery. Do not say “my house,” do not say “my body”. The whole difficulty is there. The body is neither yours, nor mine, nor anybody’s. These bodies are coming and going by the laws of nature, but we are free, standing as witness. This body is no more free than a picture or a wall. Why should we be attached so much to a body? If somebody paints a picture, he does it and passes on. Do not project that tentacle of selfishness, “I must possess it”. As soon as that is projected, misery will begin.



The invisible low life of the mind’s world.

The invisible low life of the mind’s world.


A beautiful being, which I’m currently seeing asked me if I would have charged him rent if he moved here?”
My immediate answer was: “The man I have to be a caretaker of, hasn’t being born yet.”
I could not stop thinking of a more stupid answer on my part.
R. is a very giving person and far from being an opportunist
and the fact that I answered in that manner it was making me feel cheap and greedy.
I spent about a day thinking about it and feeling stupid…
until I started looking all this from a distance and saw the huge red flag highlighting my identification with the program (Silvia Kusada) and the sad self-importance dining with its best friend Mrs self-pity.
That answer was also showing the degree of protest my mechanical-self still sitting on about my ex-husband W. taking avidly from me all I had and I did not have, leaving me drained of both material means and spiritual energy.

At night, unhappy with myself I sat on the couch and seeking help by browsing into my spiritual books… I found my answer when I went through the first few pages of a book by Swami Vivekananda.


“I do not want to get material life, do not want the sense-life, but something higher.”
“Comfort is no test of truth; on the contrary, truth is often far from being “comfortable.”
“After every happiness comes misery; they may be far apart or near. The more advanced the soul, the more quickly does one follow the other.
What we want is neither happiness nor misery.
Both make us forget our true nature; both are chains – one iron, one gold; behind both is the Atman, who knows neither happiness nor misery. These are states, and states must ever change; but the nature of the Atman is bliss, peace, unchanging.
We have not to get it, we have it; only wash away the dross and see it.
“Always discriminate-your body, your house, the people and the world are all absolutely unreal like a dream.
Always think that the body is only an inert instrument.
And the Atman within is your real nature.”
“In religion, as in all other matters, discard everything that weakens you, have nothing to do with it.”
“Whatever is weak avoid! It is death. If it is strength, go down into hell and get hold of it! There is salvation only for the brave.”
“Bless the people when they revile you.
Think how much good they are doing by helping to stamp out the false ego. Hold fast to the real Self.
Think only pure thoughts, and you will accomplish more than a regiment of mere preachers.
Out of purity and silence comes the world of power.”
“Blows are what awaken us and help to break the dream.
They show us the insufficiency of this world and make us long to escape, to have freedom.”
“Both forces of good and evil will keep the universe alive for us, until we awake from our dreams and give up this building of mud pies.”
Swami Vivekananda.
… After going through few paragraphs I felt a great sense of relief.
I realized I was so unknowingly getting into “life” I was forgetting the beauty of freedom from matter and energy. The beauty of not interfering with the plot, of not getting involved with the Matrix.
I looked at my land; “The Spiritual Center” and saw the burden of owing it and the beauty of offering it and letting it go, where it belong… to the Matrix.
Losing everything in my last marriage made me so greedy?
At this last thought I stopped.
How anyone can possibly deplete you from your energy when you are not made of energy at all?
William did not take anything from me. He is asleep, and as all the people asleep works only on the level of stimulus-response of the energy world.
He could not ever touch me, but only in appearance interfere with the false I, as represented by the “Silvia Kusada”.
Another identification with the Matrix and the world of energy disguised under spiritual matters came into view.
If you really on the path, while you self-remember, there is nothing in this dimension, in this illusion or dream that can interfere with you.
So, I wanted to offer this experience with you, as the deceiving minds can do miracle in order to bring you back to identify,
bringing you back into the illusion this prison is a beautiful and fun place to learn from…
I wanted to remind myself and who is seriously seeking truth
that by playing a spiritual ‘game’ instead of losing your mind(s),
you can loose yourself.
“I do not want to get material life, do not want the sense-life, but something higher.”
Swami Vivekananda.
'Ram Dass' Quote

‘Ram Dass’ Quote


“The rock and the water”: a tale of illusion dedicated to those who have forgotten and those who remember.

 “The rock and the water”


“The rock and the water”: a tale of illusion

dedicated to those who have forgotten and those who remember.

by Silvia Kusada



In a golden universe, of a very far away land, just beyond Orion; in a world without time or energy, a rock and a lake fell in love.

The light weightless character of that universe permitted the rock to jump onto the water and keep touching the very surface of it for as long as he wanted… that was his way of kissing the water.

And the water, of course, also being in love, kissed the rock back.

They kissed many times, feeling deep into each other…


The water of the lake, when kissing, turned warm and peaceful, while the rock would shine and reflect the most beautiful unimaginable colors all over the sky.

Everyone who happened to see would stop – captured by beautiful the blend of colors and emotions.

They were in love.

But one day the rock and the water decided to go for a trip to a strange planet were it was said there was a very peculiar thing called gravity.

And so, at the same time, they both jumped into the unknown of that dimension…

When they opened their eyes they found themselves surrounded by beautiful mountains. The sky was the most intense blue color …just below, the mountains were blanketed by a deep vibrating green.



The sun seemed to be kissing the sky and so both felt a sense of peace. There they were; the rock looking at the lake from the shore and the lake looking at the rock from the foot of the mountains.

In this new dimension they fell in love again, thinking they just met.

This strange universe did not allow the existence of anything else; this strange world of gravity felt like the only existent and real thing – and very soon the lake and the rock lost memories of their true home.


The rock and the lake looked at each other for long time and then they decided to kiss.

The rock took a big jump toward the lake – but to his disappointment did not move. He tried and tried again thousands of times, but with no luck. The water did the same, but all she achieved was to splash water on the nearby land, while getting weaker and weaker.

Time went by, when finally a kid hiking arrived at the lake and sat on the rock.

I do not know how or why, but the kid looking at the rock decided to throw it in the lake. Maybe he just wanted to play or maybe he heard the rock asking him to help him kiss the lake.



It was an exciting moment when the rock found himself flying towards the Beloved One!

As the rock landed and they finally touched… the kiss. The beautiful feeling of that so longed kiss.

The passion of true love pervaded them in its magical touch. They were ready to spend their life together… when, suddenly, the rock touching the surface went through and disappeared into the bottom of the lake.

“What happened?” the rock cried in disappointment. “Where’d the rock go?” the lake shouted with surprise.

A feeling of sadness and betrayal filled them both. The lake ripples turned into dark and scary waves.

The rock stopped shining and cried. The tears were melting into the lake and the lake felt a very strong nostalgia for the loss of the loved one. The rock wanted to stop crying but it couldn’t because unknown to him, the lake surrounded him, and these ‘hugs” reminded him constantly of her love.



They were in each other, but because of the clinging nature of this strange universe, its ruling by appearance they could not see it, and they thought they were apart.

The only thing which remained was that instant when they touched, which seemed so brief and at the same time infinite.

Infinite indeed in their home universe, but not in the land of appearance.

Perhaps one day, the lake and the rock will remember that this was just a trip, an adventure they decided to do together – and they will return home, where they belong, where there is no limit of space, of time and love last truly forever.






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